infectious deiseases

They are all around us. There is no way to protect yourself completely, but knowledge is power so I give you the power - do with it what you will.

Singation.
~A highly infectious disease transferred from one host to another verbally. You should be aware that you can get a serious case (I.E. singing loudly in crowded places) from someone only displaying minor symptoms. (I.E. humming quietly) The best protection from this disease is to fill your ears with cotton, candle wax, or cement. Other than that, stop trying to stop singing -- you only make it worse.

Holiday-Spirit-itus
~Scores mild to high on the infectious scale, depending on the time of year. Most often carried by overly happy people, surprisingly it is most infectious when carried by "normally less jolly" folks. If you choose to protect yourself (amazingly some don't) the best way is to simply avoid contact with likely carriers. Extremist may choose to avoid human contact for the incubation period (again varied by the season.) If you do catch this disease studies show that taking a long drive at rush hour, or shopping at a busy superstore can cure some cases.

TheGrump
~Moderately infectious, most are especially susceptible to it at certain times(I.E. finals week, valentines day, when trying on clothes) some people are life long carriers, and some people are immune, generally you have built in warning systems that can keep you away from carriers, but if you do find yourself affected, we suggest going to a pet store and looking at puppies and kitties. (In the rare case that you get peed on or bitten, you have a sever case and should just avoid as much contact with every one, thing, and place until you feel better.)

LetStayUpLateWatchMoviesAndOrderOut
~Not much is known about this disease, everyone sent to study it has come back bleary eyed, not remember much except that they had fun. The only preventative measure is to avoid going to see friends after 8:00 in the evening. (more susceptible people should set an earlier time limit)

Dietamongus
~Mostly seen in women, it has two known causes. Being surrounded by overly skinny people, and trying on clothes (this can also lead to TheGrump. See above). We suggest eating a few pounds of chocolate. However others suggest looking on U-Tube for videos of skinny people falling off treadmills.

Laffterr
~Highly infectious. The best preventive is to surround yourself with those suffering from TheGrump and Dietamongus. Although research shows that a healthy case of Laffterr can actually prevent several other disease. If you do get a case you can't seem to get rid of, a long walk in a cemetery, reading the newspaper, or watching Old Yeller are effective cures.

CenterOfAttentionaliss
~Non infectious, however can lead to Misinthropinism (see below). The best thing to do when around a person who has this disease is to remember that it is most often hereditary and they can do nothing about it. A few people with this have been cured over time by various means, but no one cure holds true for all patients.

Misinthropinism
~The "I Hate Everybody Disease" as common as the common cold, everyone gets it now and again. Usually it clears within a few hours sometimes lasting a few days. The best preventive is to try to limit your exposure to human stupidity. When you have this disease, do not socialize! Not only are you infectious to other people, but you prolong your suffering. Stay home and talk to yourself, only venture out when you are so bored you crave human contact.