Tuesday, September 13, 2011

does anyone smell dust???

Wow it's been awhile since I've been here.
Been several other places though.
Canada, Germany, Hungary, and Ukraine since last we spoke.
I didn't really miss you, and I won't apologize for that.
I'm not going to promise to be more faithful either.
I've realized that we're growing apart.
Nothing I do is going to keep us together.
I hope you know I'm not doing this to hurt you.
It's just that with everything else in my life, I don't have the energy.
I can't be there for you the way you want me to.
Let's not thinking of this as ending a relationship.
Let's just take a break, move to the friend zone.
I'll check in now and then, and who knows?
Maybe someday the time will be right for us again.
I can see that day coming.
But not today.
Or any time soon.
So for now,

Thursday, May 26, 2011

manuel labor and other happy thoughts

For some reason I have always found manuel labor to be a pleasant thing. From digging in the garden, to laying tile or lament flooring, to rearranging my apartment, nothing is quite so basic, cleansing, or enables me to think like getting my hands dirty and sweating a little.

Yesterday I spent several hours sanding away on pieces of my great grandmothers rocking chair which I stole from my mother, disassembled and began refinishing a couple of years ago. Unfortunately I haven't had much time for it since then, and its been sitting in the basement for awhile now. I have decided that this will be the summer I get it finished, and I'm off to a good start.

About half the pieces are sanded (by hand) to my level of satisfaction -- that is to remove all the old coats of varnish, etc. Once I finish the rest of them, they will get a fine sanding to make sure they are smooth, then a coat of stain - depending on the results possibly another coat - then a coat of varnish, a light finishing sand, and a top coat of varnish!

I can hardly wait to see how it turns out, and even though my arm hurt so bad last night I could hardly get to sleep, I'm anxious to get back to it. Hmm maybe I can perfect my left-handed sanding technique. I know it summer when I finally quit feeling like I have unfinished homework and start looking for projects to do.

My only worry is what will I do with the finished chair? That is, until I can return it to my mother.

In other news, Tiff and I rearranged our dinning room, I fixed all the loose kitchen chairs, the trap door to the fire escape, and the unbalanced floor fan. We've finally organized the bathroom, cleaned out (to a degree) the hall closet, and generally become more organized. Thanks in large part to Christianna and Laura staying with us the summer. While finding them places to live we have been forced -- quite happily -- to condense, clean out, and organize. My rooms even clean! Amazing.

What will we do next? . . . . We're thinking of adding on to our 2nd fl apt by expanding off the back porch.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

life in color vs basic black

Especially in the spring, when colors abound, I find myself associating them to various moods and personalities.

Some people are all yellow -- with bubbling, sunny personalities. Some are sky blue, with mellow, happy, peaceful smiles. Some dark blue -- like the sky threatening rain -- these people I worry about, and remove all sharp objects from their reach.

But others of us, we are the greens and browns of the color spectrum. We are reliable basic black We blend, we fill in the background. And we are quite happy to do so. We are the emerald lawn you didn't notice because the lilies were waving at you in the wind. We are the last few leaves of autumn, found in stairwells and other strange places, that you wonder about then sweep away. We are that dratted muddy hill that you slipped on yesterday.

Yes we may not be interesting, like those blood-red tulips, or the neon orange tiger-lilies, but we are essential. And we know it. And we are a bit smug in that knowledge.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011


These days my sense of danger and adventure finds outlets in the little things, like eating food from the fridge that borders on expiration.

"How old is that Alfredo Pasta?"
"I don't know. And I don't care."

Saturday, April 16, 2011


Sometimes I think we're like the candle's flame,
Which burns so brightly
Only to drown itself in melted wax.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

a little something to entertain you Part 3 of 3

“Where would you find such a man?” the second man asked in wonder. The first man looked sadly out the window, where the world still burned. “There has not been an Everyman on earth for a long time.
But,” he said, as he leaned closer to the window and his eyes grew a little brighter, “I know where to find the next best thing.” “What is that? And where do you find it?” asked the second man earnestly.” “Why it is a Man.” Said the first. “Like that one there,” he pointed an old man picking up garbage in the street. “And there,” he pointed to a group of young men pouring water on a blazing fire. “There,” he whispered pointing to a group of children picking up the groceries of an old woman, “There.” a woman tending to the dying.
“They are everywhere. They might not have the potential of an Everyman to save the world, but given a proper chance they will change the it. They will make it better. All they need is opportunity. For they already have the Dreamer's vision, and the Knight's virtue and courage, and they even have a little of the Everyman's heart. Give them a chance, and you will see.

a little something to entertain you Part 2 of 3

“I suppose,” said the first slowly, “That I would first need a Dreamer. For he would see all the world as it ought to be. He would see beauty where others find none. He would see the good within people, and within the world. He sees the desire to be good, to be our best. And he shares his dreams with those around him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Then I should need a Knight Errant. He would see all the world's evils as they are, and he would determine to stop them. He would set himself against injustice, and wrong. He would have compassion on the poor, respect for the elderly, and in every sense demonstrate chivalry. He would stand alone and fight for the world whether they deserved it or not. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And lastly I should want to have an Everyman.” “An Everyman?” asked the second, “What is this Everyman?” “This is the one,” replied the first, “who would take the ideals of the Dreamer and put them into action. He would see that the justice of the Knight was made universal. He is the one that would do the work, then return to the crowd and fade away.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There was a moment of silence then the second man spoke. “So you think you could change the world with just three men?” “Oh yes.” said the first, “Three would do the job with ease, though I suppose I could get it done with just one.” “Only one?” said the second man. “How is that possible? Which man would you choose to save the world alone? Would you choose the Dreamer?” “Oh no,” said the first, “The Dreamer would know what the world ought to be. But he is only a Dreamer. He dreams that the rest of the world would have his ideals and virtues, and if it were so, the world would be set right in time. But it is not so, and he can only dream and share his dreams with others. But he does not inspire them to action. Few are the followers of a Dreamer.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~“Then your Knight Errant, would you choose him to valiantly save the world?” “Oh no,” said the first, “ I could not do that. He is most heroic, yes. He would seek about for evil and he would find it everywhere. He would fight valiantly, but he could never overcome all the evil in his straightforward way. He would feed the hungry, but only the hungry he saw, and when he was gone, they would be hungry again. Perhaps with a Knight for each town or village I could do some good, but a Knight cannot change the world on his own.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Then you would take this Everyman, to save the world?” “Yes! Yes! Everyman would do the job. He would start by making himself the best he could be. Then he would fix those around him, family and friends and neighbors. Like a fire, springing from a single match he would spread out and engulf the world, and like dominoes he would effect them all. Where the Dreamer saw desires, he sees possibilities. He shows others how to be like him so that they in turn are Everymen, out to save the world. Where the Knight gives food and coins to feed the hungry beggars, he plants fields to feed and employ thousands. He sees injustice and calls on all men with ideals and virtue, all who are like-minded to help and they corner, catch, and cut out the root of the injustices and leave nothing behind to sprout up anew. He sets up men like himself who can govern justly, but never himself takes power. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Unlike the Dreamer he is willing to work, labor for the dreams of all. Unlike the Knight, he does not try to eradicate evil on his own. Yes, he will toil alone if no one comes to stand with him, but he so inspires those watching that they cannot help but join him. Once he has gotten things started in one place, he is off to another. Leaving behind a new generation of Everymen who will continue his work. But most unlike the Dreamer and the Knight, when he is gone they will not put a statue up in his honor, or record his philosophies in books. They will not write his name in history, and within a year most will not remember what he looked like. He would live and die, and the world would be better for it, but few would know why.”

a little something to entertain you Part 1 of 3

I fell asleep one night and had a dream. In my dream I saw two aged men sitting in a high tower looking out a window at the world, which was stretched out below them. The world was much as it is now, for I could see great cities being built, and near them, great cities falling into ruin, I saw the flames of war destroying many, and the neglect of the ruling, lead to the rebellion of the serving. I saw men struggling to survive by the sweat of their brow, and men often the same men, losing all in a frivolous manner. The dying called out to the living, but the living failed to hear or to heed. The newly born watched the chaos around them and determined to rise above the degradation, but most only managed to contribute to the growing disaster.

And as I watched, I saw garbage pour from factories and homes, and fill the streets, then spill over to the yards and fields until the world was covered by a thick layer of garbage, and a rancid stink filled the air. Fires spread and the world rotted and burned before my eyes.

The two men sat in silence for awhile, the said one to the other, “what do you think you would need to fix this?” and he gestured out the window. “To fix the world?” asked the second man, after a moment, he began to spout a long list of things; like carefully picked leaders, all trained in the same way, with the same ideals, a large enforcing army, a plan for peace, a universal land for all, and on he went. Detailing jobs to be created, positions to be done away with, people to be gotten rid of, people to be brought forward and encouraged. Laws to be passed and laws to be abolished. After a long time, he finished his lists and was still.

“Would it be easier to start over?” said the first man. “To hand pick a few and clear the rest. Remove all traces of what once was and start afresh?” “Of course.” said the second, “for they will never managed to get all that together. No one could accomplish such a task as that.

Again silenced reined for a while, while the world through the window, sank slowly into the garbage heap around it, and emptied of all beauty. Simplicity was sought for but all meaning had been lost. Then after a time, the second man turned to the first, “What would you need for such a job?” he asked. The first man looked out the window with weary eyes, and said slowly, “I think I would need three people.” “Only three?” the second asked, “What could you possibly accomplish with only three? What type of men would these be?

Saturday, April 9, 2011


(which may or may not be true, useful, or relevant)

* Michael Jackson is dead
* My little sisters' favorite word is squirrel
* I had three great aunts on my mothers side. Two are dead now. Those two we called Aunt. The other one we call Auntie.
* It is better for your health to be called Auntie
* A fact is a pragmatic truth, a statement that can, at least in theory, be checked and either confirmed or denied
* Hippos are often portray in pictures, and replications as being purple. Hippos are not purple
* You have better things to do than read this post
* Cremations are cheaper than embalming (but messier)
* I blog when I am trying to kill time
* I do not have a favorite - color, word, or author
* You can have your leg cut off and not realize it
* I am making all of this up off the top of my head
* You have now wasted several min. of your life reading these thirteen pointless bullets

Friday, March 25, 2011

like riding a bicycle. . .

I haven't blogged in awhile, but here goes nothing!

Anyway, for your reading . . . pleasure? a few excerpts from my week.

At school:

Sometimes I go, sometimes I sleep instead. I cannot yet tell which has been more beneficial.
I learned a lot this week,
@GBS, about hair biology (Principles of the Christian Life 2) making people feel ridiculous by giving them cups of dirt to carry around for the rest of the day (Creative Bible Teaching {not really the point btw}) that you can't reason with an atheist (Apologetics - also not the point) And that you should never fall asleep in Dr Browns' classes. But of course I already knew that.
@NKU, that I really couldn't care less if we cut down the rain forest. Hand me an ax - I'll help!!! (Not really, but I hate my Cultural Ecology class. We're watching recycling bins for homework!!! What gives?) and also that not doing my homework doesn't exactly motivate me to go to class.

At work:

That sometimes life isn't fair (also not new, just painfully re enforced) In the same shift I saw a young couple come into the hospital via aircare helicopter, both severely injured. Tragically, both of their young girls (age 6&7) were killed instantly. They were hit by a semi truck at a four way stop. An hour later a young man came in who was thrown from a car doing 65mph on the interstate, and his only injuries were cuts to his hands. Where's the equality? I'm glad I don't make these decisions, and don't have to understand them either. I accept that God is loving and never allows unnecessary pain into our lives.
On a lighter note, does anyone want some oranges? They sounded so good at the store, but I suddenly find myself lacking any appetite for them. Possible due to the x-ray I saw of a perfectly round orange sitting slam in the middle of a mans pelvis. I won't say how it got there.

At home:

I'm working on another quilt. This one's for Tiffany's graduation. (shhh don't tell her, I can only hope she hasn't noticed the sewing machine, cutting mats, and cloth all over the dinning room table.) If quilting has taught me anything it this, I hate ironing, and I don't have the patience to quilt. Great hobby huh?

And now that I have riveted your attention for awhile, I shall let you go back to the www, and find something else to do. My suggestion. Google "random things to do when bored" and then try something new. (stay away from the oranges though)

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


They say confession is good for the soul.
I say confession is good for the conscience.

It's not like your telling God anything new.
Confession is a moot point unless there is repentance thrown in there.
But it soothes the guilt I suppose.

Sometimes I really think it would be nice to be Catholic.
Oh well.

My random thought for the day.