Most depressing movie ever

Peter Pan.

2003 edition. Directed by P.J. Hogan. Staring Jeremy Sumpter as Peter Pan. I love this edition, and I love the story . . . usually. But after finishing it yesterday afternoon, I felt as if I had stepped into some kind of void. You could sum it all up in the question that Letha asked my after the movie. "Don't you wish there was some place like Never Land?"

Yes.

I don't want to grow up. Ever. But Yesterday I was acutely aware of how quickly I was. Maybe it was a very early mid life crisis. All I know is that after the movie I went into my bedroom and cried. I cried because I am twenty and technically living on my own, and working to support myself, and going to school. Even though I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, I am quickly reaching grown up.

I suddenly realized that all I want, is to be about eight or nine years old, back when the world wasn't perfect, but all that you knew of the world was. Back when you most stressful things was getting you ACE homework done, and the only loss you suffered was the loss of your pet, or your sock, or said homework. Back before you learned to care what your hair looked like, or who liked you. Back when comfort was the highest priority in every days clothing choice. Back when you could run barefoot through the woods all morning with the boys, and then play dress up all afternoon with the girls, and no one made fun of you for either. Back when the world consisted of family and best friends, school and weekends, faith was a no brainer, love was unconditional, and the future was limitless.

I never really "felt it" when I turned twenty like all my older friends did. I still don't feel old. I just don't feel young. In the book Peter Pan, it says something like, "all children know that they must grow up at two years old. Two is the beginning of the end."

I know I must grow old, but I don't wish to.
I know I will, but I don't want to.
I know I have to, but I don't have to like it.
I know I am, but I wish I wasn't.

I wish to never never grow up.